Apr 20, 2012

Unsettled...

I went to run at five in the morning like I usually do if I can get up that early or am having bad cases of insomnia. Since the tragic news of Isaiah's dear friend Buddy, our sleeping schedule has been out of whack. Mine has always been but it's at another level now. We constantly speak of memories we can recall and we often check up on his case which is at a stand still. We run through all the many scenarios that could have played out and it just brings chills to our spines. I made an attempt this morning to run stairs and by five in the morning it is still dark. I am NEVER bothered by the fact that it is dark because there are huge lamp posts by the stairs so I run stairs until my legs can no longer take it. This morning was different. I had a creepy feeling lingering over me. I couldn't stop thinking of Buddy's killer. It made my whole body shake and I usually never get scared or feel like that. I know we are still grieving and are at different stages in this process. As time goes by it will get easier to adjust but I just can't seem to shake the fact that the person who committed this awful crime is still free, is still alive and is still going about their daily life. It's frustrating and I can't imagine what his parents are feeling. I hope you enjoy every moment with your family and friends. We miss you Buddy and look forward to our reunion after this probationary period we call life!

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