Jul 2, 2013

My heart hurts just a little...


Today I received news that my Hola's summer will be cut short.
Apparently his dad has moved and the new school district they are in, the school starts on July 25th.
Obviously I can kick and scream but let's be real guys, he needs to go to school and my hands are tied because the court order states he needs to be in Utah for school.
It stinks because I just got him.
It makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry for hours but some times life is just not fair.
I have to push through.
I have to put on my brave face and tell my son.
I have to prepare myself for the tears that will follow because I know he will be so bummed.
I have to constantly answer my Jack and Kendric's questions as to where Hola brudder is.
Quite frankly it sucks. But as I watch this clip, I realize that there are some parents that have lost their little ones. There are some that are longing to hold their little ones if for only just a moment.

There are some parents who dream to touch, hug and kiss their little ones and never let them go. There are some who are wanting their warm touch and to kiss their sweet little cheeks.
In knowing this, I must be grateful.
I must be satisfied with the time that I get with my Hola.
I must have faith that all will be well.
I realize that this temporary bondage that I am in is the result of my poor decisions in the past.
The great take away is that when coming to this earth we made a promise and an agreement with God that we will have agency. That He will take upon us our sins. He will do everything in His power to help us get back to Him.
The thing we must remember about agency is this:
We are free to choose what we want, how to live, what to do but we are not free to choose the rewards and/or consequences.
And here I am, I made my decisions and almost ten years later I am still suffering the consequences.
So when you are at a cross roads and wondering what types of choices to make in life, please think twice.
Please think of yourself 10, 20 years down the line and ask if this will be worth it.
I can't even be mad at the trials I face because it is building my character.
I am learning the hard way but I am learning.
I pray that the Lord will give me comfort and I pray that He always lets Hola know how much we love him.
I know the Lord has great plans for my Hola and we will get through this together.
I am sad but I am going to savor the rest of the time we have with him.
Life is too short to be sad and to have a heart full of hate.
I hope you are all having a great day.
I hope whatever curve balls life throws at you, you are finding positive ways to look at it because life truly is amazing and a blessing we have been given.

3 comments:

  1. I am so very very sorry. :(

    Laura@MiceInTheKitchen

    ReplyDelete
  2. So very sorry cuz, but this is a good piece I got in here, heart felt n I think you should become a writer... Donald Samson

    ReplyDelete
  3. U got in here I meant...

    ReplyDelete

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